The hype surrounding FromSoftware’s Elden Ring has reached crucial mass for fervent followers within the type of a really unorthodox debate. Surprisingly, the present discourse surrounding the extremely anticipated Souls-like sport isn’t centered on the identical drained on-line argument over reused animation. Oh no, this debate is about whether or not the horses within the sport have dicks or not.
In a Reddit dialogue publish with spoiler and never secure for work tags, a redditor named asiuhds made a publish titled “WARNING VERY IMPORTANT DISCOVERY.” Clicking into the mosaiced preview picture reveals a shoddy screenshot from Elden Ring’s official gameplay trailer with a pink circle drawn round a shadowy kind that is perhaps the horse’s junk because it scales the aspect of a cliff. Enter Horse Dickgate.
Certainly the thingamabob in query isn’t FromSoftware intentionally showcasing its equestrian, HDR-supported, ray-traced genitals, proper? Then once more, perhaps considering like that’s simply what the inventive minds who included that picture within the trailer are relying on. Since I had the unlucky privilege of diving into this bizarre rabbit gap on the Elden Ring subreddit, I shall curse you with a few of the highlights from the discourse.
A typo-laden publish by redditor estenombre stated, “I used to be anticipating an enormous large spoiler… I’m not dissapointed lmao.”
“Hopefully this is patched. I want a flopper,” posted user Trick_Inevitable6043. They also happen to be the top commenter on the post, garnering a silver award for their humble contribution.
“Prolific commenter” and “avid voter” The_Jolly_Bengali sent me for a ride with their comment. While I briefly hoped they’d be the voice of reason, positing that the appendage was simply a sword sheath, they let me down.
“To be fair, what you’re looking at here is probably just the sheath, with the penis retracted inside,” they wrote. My faith in humanity is waning.
While many of the other comments were derivatives of redditors typing different combinations of “cock ring” with the game’s title, redditor Stardraconis, my golden calf, typed what I was thinking and hypothesized that the theorists’ Big Foot-esque phenomenon might actually just be a foot–the left foot of the human astride the horse, that is. Apparently, Reddit is a haven of fledgling comedians, because user Devoidofimagination jokingly agreed, posting that it’s probably “about a foot, give or take an inch.” Having never interacted with the Soulsborne community, this experience has left a hell of a first impression on me.
Luckily, the discourse appears to be all in jest as hungry fans lie in wait for more information for Elden Ring lore to dissect before they dive into playing the game. For their sakes, I hope that the horse dick debate is laid to rest once Elden Ring comes out on February 25.